How healing happens

How healing happens

Often people come to a therapist seeking good advice and fresh insights into their difficulties. On occasion the therapist provides these. But for the most part, that kind of intellectual process doesn't have much to do with depth therapy. Instead it is an emotional and spiritual journey, one in which the therapist and the client seek to connect with corners of the client's soul that have suffered from neglect, distortion, or abuse. Together they work to create a safe space for growth. The process is not always easy and requires commitment, patience, and care by both client and therapist. Here is one of the gentlest and truest descriptions I know of the process, taken from the late spiritual writer Henri Nouwen's moving book about his own struggle, The Inner Voice of Love.

"A part of you was left behind very early in your life: the part that never felt completely received. It is full of fears. Meanwhile, you grew up with many survival skills. But you want your self to be one. So you have to bring home the part of you that was left behind. That is not easy, because you have become quite a formidable person, and your fearful part does not know if it can safely dwell within you. Your grown-up self has to become very childlike -- hospitable, gentle, and caring -- so your anxious self can return and feel safe....
"As long as your vulnerable self does not feel welcomed by you, it keeps so distant that it cannot show you its true beauty and wisdom....
"Try to keep your small, fearful self close to you. This is going to be a struggle, because you have to live for a while with the "not yet." Your deepest, truest self is not yet home. It quickly gets scared. Since your intimate self does not feel safe with you, it continues to look for others, especially those who offer it some real, though temporary, consolation. But when you become more childlike, it will no longer feel the need to dwell elsewhere. It will begin to look to you as home."

N.Y. Licensed Psychoanalyst

Member, American Association of Pastoral Counselors
Individual and Couple/Marriage Counseling
midtown Manhattan and Westchester County

The Tree of Life image at the top left corner of your screen is an original work

by the Canadian artist Cari Buziak and is used with her permission..

Serving the online community as well as Westchester Putnam Dutchess and Fairfield counties, including Ossining Briarcliff Manor Croton-on-Hudson Yorktown Heights Sleepy Hollow Tarrytown Pleasantville Pocantico Hills Chappaqua Millwood Mount Kisco Somers Katonah Mahopac Irvington Hastings-on-Hudson Yonkers Hawthorne Thornwood Peekskill Bedford Hills Bedford and Valhalla. Midtown Manhattan, Grand Central, Park Avenue, Murray Hill, East Side, Flatiron, Upper West Side, Upper East Side, East Village, Gramercy, theater district, midtown south, midtown east, north of Madison Square Park, NoMad. Experienced, active help to build a fulfilling life and relationships. Individual therapy, couples counseling, parent coaching, premarital counseling, marriage counselor, marriage counselor NY, therapist, therapist NY, support through divorce and transitions, prebaby counseling, postpartum counseling, marriage counselor 10016, marriage counselor 10017, marriage counselor 10022, marriage counselor 10010, marriage counselor 10007.

No editorial or graphic content on this site may be reproduced without written permission.